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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23585575">affection's touch</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mamichigo/pseuds/Mamichigo'>Mamichigo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>tumblr/twitter requests [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kingdom Hearts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Game: Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance, M/M, Pining Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Riku Is Bad at Feelings (Kingdom Hearts)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:48:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,316</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23585575</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mamichigo/pseuds/Mamichigo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Riku wondered when it changed, how this distance between his fingers and Sora’s grew so large, and he could not bring himself to break it, to cross it.</p><p>Fear was a powerful thing, he knew.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>tumblr/twitter requests [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1352560</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>138</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>affection's touch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaiserinAstraia/gifts">KaiserinAstraia</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was written for a request Kai made (@KaiserinAstraia on Twitter and AO3), who asked for first kisses. Buddy it takes almost 4k of Yearning for them to get to the first kiss part, but I hope you enjoy it all the same</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It doesn’t quite begin at the Mysterious Tower, not to Riku. To him, it began so long ago he could no longer remember it, in a time when he and Sora were much younger, and Riku was yet untouched by the claws of darkness. It was a time when Sora would get scared so Riku would hold his hand to keep the monsters away, and when they had to say goodbye for the day, they’d hug. If they spent the night together, they’d lie in bed side by side, a mess of limbs thrown over each other as Sora drooled on Riku or vice-versa.</p><p>It was an easier time, when touching Sora was a matter of reaching out his hand and doing just that, without doubts, without overthinking. Riku wondered when it changed, how this distance between his fingers and Sora’s grew so large, and he could not bring himself to break it, to cross it. Fear was a powerful thing, he knew.</p><p>So, yes, the Mysterious Tower was as good a start point as any. It was then, as Riku took the steps to the upper floor that Sora grabbed for him before he could react. His entire body froze, down to the rise and fall of his chest. Riku blinked as Sora got right into his face.</p><p>“I’m still not used to your short hair,” Sora commented, a breath away as he played with Riku's bangs. As for Riku, he was too shocked to be annoyed that his hair was being made into a mess. “I don’t even think I’ve seen this much of your neck since we were, I don’t know, eight, maybe?” Sora paused, thinking back to the memory. “You were so cute back then…”</p><p>“Thanks? I think that’s a compliment,” Riku managed to say. He had half a mind to push Sora away, and if it was only a year back, he was sure he’d do it. Now, however, with Sora grinning at him like that, Riku didn’t have the heart to go through with it. </p><p>“Don’t get me wrong, it suits you!” Sora hurried to explain, like Riku was at all worried about his appearance. “It has this mature, cool look to it, you know? So it’s perfect.” He <em> didn’t </em>care about his appearance, not when it was commented on by any person that wasn’t Sora. Riku felt incredibly stupid for how fast his heart beat over those words. “It’s just new.”</p><p>It was a surprise in and of itself that Sora couldn’t hear the sounds coming from his chest, but Riku would take his blessings where he could get them. Even so, being so close felt dangerous, a revelation waiting to happen, a confession on the way to be revealed. While he desired to be right here, close to Sora, his fear of being seen so raw and open was stronger. There was still so much he dreaded showing, he became paralyzed at the thought of Sora’s reaction.</p><p>A rejection, after all this time, would hurt much worse than years of staying silent.</p><p>So, despite his emotions screaming for the contrary, Riku stepped away. He did it gently in order for Sora’s hands to slip from his skin and hair without jolting him. When Sora’s gaze crossed his, it was with a look that knew more than it showed. Riku smiled, because that was the only thing he could do then.</p><p>“I can get you a haircut if you like it so much,” Riku offered, and Sora fell into the joke like a puzzle piece, easy to slot in. He scrunched up his nose.</p><p>“Nah, wouldn’t want to get rid of the spikes, they’re my trademark. Just like your…” Sora gestured to the whole of Riku. “You know.”</p><p>Riku did not know, but he decided not to admit that. “Yeah, I don’t think anyone would even recognize you without the hair.”</p><p>“Are you saying my hair is the essence of who I am?” Sora narrowed his eyes at him, then nudged his side with an elbow. “Because that’s kinda mean, Riku.”</p><p>“Well, you’re the one who said it, who am I to deny it.” Riku shrugged. Sora replied with a soft “Hey!” and a barely-there kick to the shin. Riku laughed, and Sora followed suit, face lighting up the sky after the rain.</p><p>“Not everyone gets to have silky, straight hair, Riku,” Sora complained, eyeing his hair with some level of envy. <em> Silky,</em> really?</p><p>“C’mon, nothing wrong with some spikes.” Riku remembered touching it as a kid, poking at it with a finger to see if it’d hurt, to see if there was some hair product that held the secret to Sora’s ridiculous hair. He also remembered it had felt surprisingly soft to the touch. He wondered if that still held true.</p><p>Riku only noticed he had already been reaching for Sora when he turned to face Riku with his whole body, and he had raised himself slightly on his tip-toes. Sora looked at him expectantly, and Riku froze again.</p><p>“Hm?” Sora hummed in question.</p><p>Riku winced internally, and hoped it didn’t show on his face as well. “Nothing, I thought I had seen something in your hair,” he explained, lied. Sora tilted his head and touched his own head, of course, not finding anything. “It was nothing,” Riku repeated. He clenched his hand into a fist by his side.</p><p>“Oh, okay,” Sora said. “If you say so, Riku.”</p><p>There was that look again, careful and sympathetic, and something else that Riku couldn’t understand. The pressure of it was too much for Riku to handle, so he walked ahead, where he wouldn’t have to face Sora.</p><p>“Let’s go, Master Yen Sid will be mad if we’re late,” Riku urged.</p><p>“Do you know what’s this all about?” Sora asked from behind him, jogging to catch up with him.</p><p>Riku had an inkling, but… “I’m not sure, we’ll just have to find out when we get there.”</p><p>“Whatever it is, we’ll be fine,” Sora said with uttermost confidence. He patted Riku to the low of his back, a touch that lasted for maybe a total of five seconds, but to Riku it was five eternities of burning inside out. Then the hand was gone and Sora was yelling, “Race you there!”</p><p>Riku, still torn over wanting more or wanting to be far, far away, torn between loving and fearing the imprint left on his skin where Sora’s hand had been, couldn’t even rise to the taunt as he usually would, simply watching Sora ascend the stairs ahead of him.</p><p>So the Mysterious Tower wasn’t the beginning, but it certainly was the first step into his breaking point.</p><p>*</p><p>They said distance made the heart grow fonder; to Riku, that wasn’t quite true, though some might argue against it. Distance turned him desperate, turned him lonely. It ached, not only in his heart, but his own body, like missing a part of himself that had been forcibly taken away. And with all that pain, his love for Sora was the same: he’d still turn the world on its head for Sora, would destroy anything in his path if it meant getting him back.</p><p>But Riku wouldn’t do that, not this time. There was no point in getting Sora back if Riku hurt him in the process, there was no point in destroying everything if they wouldn’t have a place to return to. So when he saw the projection of Sora—looking younger, like the worlds outside of the Destiny Islands had never touched him—, Riku didn’t feel like tearing Traverse Town apart, no, he only wished to smash the distance between them, this time more physical than ever.</p><p>If he had more of a sense of humor, Riku would find it funny how Sora slipped away every time they got back together. As it stood, he couldn’t laugh about it, and his hand hovered in the air where a phantom of the real Sora stood. Riku didn’t have enough courage to reach out this time, knowing that he would find nothing, would feel nothing. </p><p>Though he had absolute faith in Sora, it didn't stop Riku from worrying. It was all he did, all day long, always a world away from Sora, so close, not close enough.</p><p>It was a horrible thing, to find Sora again entrapped, bubble as transparent as glass but not as easily breakable. There were memories of something similar, another time, not too long passed, but Riku couldn't focus on that now. </p><p>"Don't follow the dream, Sora," Riku said, begged, banged on the bubble. He had no way of knowing if Sora heard him, but Riku had to say it all the same, or else he would choke on it. "Just come back, I'll be waiting for you."</p><p>But, well, Riku had never been good at waiting. He had more of an impatient streak than Sora himself, and anything was better than sitting around until the situation changed. He would use his own hands to bring Sora back to safety, even if he had to claw his way through to him.</p><p>As Sora slept on, face so peaceful, Riku brushed the underside of his eyes, where he could feel his eyelashes greet him in a butterfly kiss. It was so much easier to do it, with Sora unaware of his touch.</p><p>*</p><p>Sora disappeared like a simple mirage, fading into a dark abyss where Riku couldn’t reach him. He wondered if he had only held on tighter, if his hands hadn’t trembled as he clutched Sora’s arm, if he’d been able to stop his descent. His elbows ached where they were pressed against the ground, but he stayed where he was, breathing hard.</p><p>“I know I’m picking up the slack for you, but don’t you think this is too much, even for you?” Riku asked, even if Sora could not hear him. He chuckled to himself, imagining Sora’s indignant cry if he were there to receive Riku’s jab. He wanted to see him, wanted to talk to him and make him laugh. He wanted to see Sora smile again, with a grin so big it threatened to split his cheeks. “Where are you, Sora?”</p><p>Perhaps it was the shock, or the exhaustion from all the fighting he’d done, but Riku didn’t realize right away that his eyes were clenched shut, and when he did open them, it took Riku a moment to recognize where he was.</p><p>While he couldn’t make sense of the red under him, Riku knew that gloved hand more than he knew of the lines inscribed in his own palms. His hand was right over Sora’s finger, but not in any way that staved the hunger in his stomach, the pain in his limbs. The Kingdom Key laid beside him in waiting, a piece of his heart that belonged to Sora.</p><p>“Give me a moment,” Riku told the keyblade and stood up, taking in the stained glass that made Sora’s heart. And right there, close to Sora, was himself, smiling up at him. “Is this how you remember me…?”</p><p>This was nowhere near a secret, but Riku felt like he was being shown something that he shouldn’t have seen all the same. He wondered if Sora would feel like this, if their roles were reversed. Though, with the amounts of hearts Sora had visited already, probably not.</p><p>It was always him feeling wrong-footed, wasn’t it?</p><p>Riku took the keyblade, but didn’t use it, not yet. He kept it secure in his hand, the handle warm against his palm, and walked up to where Sora’s face was painted, serene in sleep just like his body had been in the real world.</p><p>“You gotta stop making me worry about you,” Riku said, but didn’t mean it. It didn’t matter what Sora did, Riku worried about him all the same: it was in his nature to do so, it was as simple as that. There was no version of Riku who lived without Sora being his first and last thought.</p><p>Which was all the more reason to get him back, and Riku had enough conviction to follow after him. No matter how deep the abyss, how far the world. Riku lowered himself to his knees, then bended his body down to press his forehead to Sora’s cheek. He inhaled slowly, imagining Sora’s warmth close to him. Tantalizingly close, confusedly close. Riku closed his eyes one last time and his lips ghosted over the curve of that all familiar face.</p><p>“I’ll find you, Sora.”</p><p>*</p><p>“Riku, you’re safe!”</p><p>“I knew you would pass with flying colors!”</p><p>The words shrunk to nothing in his ears as soon as Sora enveloped him into his arms. Sora, awake and safe because Riku saved him, Sora who was a bundle of energy as soon as he had his body back into a functioning state. While Riku was still half in a stupor, Sora bounded from one thing to the next like nothing and everything could hold his interest. It was as relieving to see as it was overwhelming. Riku felt like he was several steps behind, but he was okay with watching, if it meant Sora was <em> here.</em></p><p>Riku excused himself as quietly as possible, while the others were still distracted by the news of Lea’s brand new keyblade, as well as what that would mean for them, in the future. Riku didn’t feel too guilty about slipping away as he did, sure that Mickey would fill him in on the details later without questioning him.</p><p>The air outside was chilly, but Riku appreciated the cool down. He looked up at the twinkling worlds above and sighed to watch his breath dance in the air. Riku clenched his hands, then unclenched them, grasping at nothing. He still felt the weight of Sora’s body, draped over his with arms circled around his neck, pinning him down so he couldn’t leave. And he hadn’t wanted to leave, hadn’t wanted to feel anything else other than Sora’s heart against his, beating happily in tune.</p><p>The second time Sora did it, a hand around his shoulder and praises falling from his mouth, there had been a moment when it was just the two of them. The position was awkward on his back, but Riku forgot about the pain once their eyes locked together, their faces mere inches away. They had shared the same air then, but Riku didn’t breathe, too lost in the away Sora looked at him, in the faint freckles on the bridge of his nose. Riku wanted nothing more than to kiss each and every single dot on his skin.</p><p>“Riku!”</p><p>Riku startled as he was called, hard enough to knock his elbow onto the wall of the Mysterious Tower. He rubbed at the spot while wincing, but glanced at Sora from the corner of his eyes.</p><p>“Sora,” Riku greeted. “What are you doing here, are you guys done up there?”</p><p>“I came looking for you, of course,” Sora explained easily. He slipped beside Riku, mimicking his pose against the wall with crossed arms, casually leaning against the Tower. “You disappeared while we weren’t looking. Is everything alright?”</p><p><em> Now that you’re here, yes. </em>“Yeah, of course, I just needed some air.”</p><p>Sora hummed and cushioned his head on the palm of his hands. “We both had a pretty long day, so that’s fair. At least you’re safe.”</p><p>“Again, I’m pretty sure you’ve got it backwards,” Riku chuckled. “You sure are working me hard, by the way. I can never get a break around you.”</p><p>Sora smiled awkwardly and shuffled on his feet. “It’s not that bad, right?”</p><p>“Being with you? Nah.”</p><p>The hesitance in Sora’s smile was gone, and he grinned at Riku with his eyes squeezed shut. Riku felt himself responding with his own subdued version of the expression. This was what he had always wanted to protect, and would continue to fight for, till the end of time. Sora lowered a hand to his side, then scooted over to make their arms touch. Just this once, Riku told himself, just this once he would allow himself to bask in the comfort of it.</p><p>“Riku.”</p><p>Riku cocked his head slightly to show that he was listening. He ended up pressed right to a lock of Sora’s hair. “Hm?”</p><p>“If I hugged you now, would you hug me back?”</p><p>He faltered then. Riku chanced a look at Sora, who was already looking back. Neither spoke for a moment, and when it seemed like Riku wouldn’t reply at all, Sora nudged him hard enough to break him out of his shock.</p><p>“What…” Riku had to clear his throat before trying again, “What do you mean?”</p><p>“I thought you’d be okay with it if I asked first.” There was a slight frown between his brow that meant this bothered him more than Sora would ever let him know. If Riku knew anything about Sora, he had been turning it over his head while trying to be mindful of Riku’s boundaries. He didn’t know if he felt more embarrassed or flattered. “Am I wrong?”</p><p>Riku swallowed through the ball of unresponsiveness that clung to his throat. It’d be easier to deflect, but when Riku murmured a trembling, “I don’t know,” it was out of utter loss in the face of such an open request, and not due to a desire to stop Sora from prying.</p><p>“Then let’s test it!” Sora suggested and turned to Riku. When he didn’t move, Sora opened his arms and raised his eyebrows at him. “If you don’t like it you can pull away, alright?”</p><p>There was such a softness, such a caring tone to the way Sora said it, Riku would feel guilty if he didn’t do whatever Sora asked of him then. Hesitantly, he stepped into Sora’s arm, which settled around his waist with ease. As for Riku, his arms hovered uselessly, and he became all too conscious of the fact that his palms were sweating.</p><p>"You can pull away,” Sora repeated, whispered to his ear in a secret just for the two of them. “I won’t be mad.”</p><p>Past all the hesitation, all the fears and doubts, there was longing strong enough to make Riku nauseous. No matter how many barriers and obstacles Riku put up in his mind, of imaginary walls that he created, his body knew what it wanted, and it knew where it belonged. While Riku turned over reasons <em> why </em> he shouldn’t do it, his hands were already finding their way to the back of Sora’s shirt, one so close to touching the unprotected skin of Sora’s neck.</p><p>“It’s not that I don’t like it,” Riku whispered back, hands clenched tight. He buried his face in the curve of Sora’s shoulder and exhaled. When he did, Sora shivered, and Riku felt goosebumps like pinpricks in his own skin. “It’s just…”</p><p>“What is it, Riku?” Sora rubbed at his back as he spoke, encouraging, sweet, understanding. He felt like cracked glass being poked at, and stopping himself from breaking open was a futile attempt at holding what were already shards.</p><p>“I like it a little too much,” Riku admitted. With each word, his voice got smaller, until Sora had to press his cheek to the side of Riku’s head to hear him properly—or at least that was the only logical explanation Riku could find for it. “I don’t want to let you go, and I don’t know what to do about it.”</p><p>Sora’s laughter vibrated against his chest. “You don’t need to do anything, this is fine. I like it.”</p><p>Riku huffed, and his eyes hurt from holding them shut, his fingers cramped, his back hurt. It should make him want to break the contact, but it didn’t, it only stretched the bits of him too wide, put him at awkward angles so he couldn’t hold on to the pieces that made his resolve.</p><p>“I like <em> you,</em>” he said, quick like removing a bandage. But, that was too easy, too shallow. Before he could think better of it, Riku added, “No, I love you. I’ve always loved you.”</p><p>The silence was deafening, but Sora's sigh was shattering. Riku dreaded the moment this hug would be over, and feared he would never get to feel it again. If only he held on a little more, a little firmer, maybe it’d never have to be over.</p><p>“Riku, look at me,” Sora asked and tapped his head. Stubbornly, Riku pretended he didn’t hear it. “C’mon, please.”</p><p>Though his skull weighed a ton and it hurt to move, Riku did as asked and raised his head and looked at Sora, who smiled at him. He didn’t look angry, or sad, or disappointed. Riku hated that that was enough to ignite a spark of hope, which he desperately tried to squash down.</p><p>“Listen, I know I’m not the best at this kind of thing, and I’m not as quick on the uptake either, but—” Sora looked up and to the side as he frowned. “Well, what I’m trying to say is I’m sorry.” </p><p>Riku inhaled deeply and nodded, untangling his fingers from Sora and forcing his arms to move away. However, before he could remove himself entirely, Sora hurried to hold him in place by his cheeks, cupped in Sora’s hand. Riku narrowed his eyes.</p><p>“I said, <em> listen</em>, alright?” Sora told him forcefully, hard enough so Riku couldn’t go against it. “I’m sorry for making you wait.”</p><p>Riku blinked, while Sora pouted, his cheeks going redder the longer Riku stared at him. Maybe it was the idea of rejection that made Riku take so long to realize, but Sora’s hands were trembling as much as his own, and his gaze wandered all over the place before briefly settling on Riku and shifting away again. Tentatively, he lay a hand over Sora’s; when he didn’t pull away, Riku leaned into his touch.</p><p>“You’re not just saying that, are you?” Riku asked, because he <em> had </em> to check.</p><p>Sora laughed but admonished him by pinching his cheeks until they were red. “What kind of person do you take me for, huh?”</p><p>“Someone who’s too kind for their own good.”</p><p>Sora paused. “Okay, you might be right,” he agreed. Then, he was back to pouting, which Riku now had enough presence of mind to recognize that it was cute, unbearably so. He licked his bottom lip as he mouth went dry, and hoped Sora didn’t realize where his thoughts were. “But! This is different. I wouldn’t lie to you, Riku.”</p><p>Riku nodded. He knew that much.</p><p>“That reminds me, I wanted to ask you something,” Sora prompted. Riku, who had gone pliant under his touch, simply gestured for him to go on. “Remember when I said I heard your voice, back in the dream?”</p><p>Though Riku hadn’t fully processed the implications of that when Sora first said it, Riku sure did now, and it took a lot of willpower not to combust on the spot. By Sora’s smirk, he knew exactly why he had suddenly tensed.</p><p>“Uh, yeah,” Riku coughed. “I remember you mentioned it before.”</p><p> “Okay, so. I kinda felt it, too? But that was a little… I don’t know, I couldn’t say it in front of Yen Sid, or Mickey. Or any of the others.” Riku was grateful to avoid the questions from their other friends, but he was simultaneously horrified that Sora <em> knew </em> in the first place. He thought back to his last moment in Sora’s heart and made some high-pitched noise that surprised both of them. “I don’t know what you did, but I felt it.”</p><p>If there was a moment to be brave, it was now, Riku decided. He took Sora’s hands away to envelop them in his, holding it between their bodies. Riku looked into Sora’s eyes, filled with eagerness, and what Riku might be tempted to call adoration.</p><p>“Do you want me to show you what I did?”</p><p>“Please.”</p><p>Riku dipped his head to kiss Sora’s knuckles. Both their hands were clammy, and they shook together, but they matched. Riku smiled and leaned further, lips above Sora’s cheeks. A centimeter, perhaps even less, a millimeter of distance between the two of them. Riku searched Sora’s eyes for permission, which was granted with a tilt of the head that brought them together. His lips lingered right there, on the roundness of his cheek, where his skin was soft and inviting. </p><p>“There,” Riku said, just as Sora’s eyes fluttered open. He was convinced the light of every star in the sky was trapped within his irises, and everywhere that Riku touched Sora, he tasted stardust.</p><p>Riku pressed his lips together, uncertain, his stomach twisting. The freckles he had noticed before were starker than ever, and Riku ached to trace them. With eyes, fingers and lips.</p><p>“You look like you have something to say,” Sora said, reading him too perfectly. But then again, Riku wanted to open the pages to show it one by one to Sora, so he could know the words from heart; he didn’t mind being the book that Sora held in his hands. </p><p>“Touch me, please,” he said like a confession, a burden he had carried for far too long.</p><p>There was none of the judgement he feared, only Sora kissing him with lips so sweet, but prying and demanding, taking every bit of Riku’s attention, preventing him from pulling away too soon. Riku was not scared of the way his body trembled, because Sora was there to catch him, and they both kept each other afloat.</p><p>If Riku nipped at Sora’s lips and he answered with a shaky sigh and nails that sunk onto the back of Riku’s hand, well, that was only for the two of them to know, and for Riku to remember every detail of how Sora sounded then.</p><p>“You don’t even have to ask,” Sora told him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Find me on <a href="https://mamichigo.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a> or <a href="https://twitter.com/ma_michigo">Twitter</a>! :D</p></blockquote></div></div>
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